


you make my heart breathe with ease.

by vergilsbee (little_elleth)



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Gen, House Party, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Teen Angst, Underage Drinking, all the great stuff about teenage life, deep convos driving home, did i mention it’s in the uk because the default appears to be the us for high school aus, i guess, i mean the legal drinking age in the uk is 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-04-19 10:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14235681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_elleth/pseuds/vergilsbee
Summary: Patroclus and Briseis host a party and an old flame reignites.Inspired by my personal observations and experiences of British teen house parties, A-level angst, and relationship drama.





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes studying something you love for too long and too hard kind of sucks the soul out of it and your enjoyment for it and that’s currently how i’m feeling with classics at school.
> 
> this fic was kind of a way to help me to relax and think of things from a much narrower and focused perspective and remind myself at the end of the day, not everything is scholarly and serious and if it takes miller's dumb ancient greek teenagers to remind me of that, then so be it. i lowkey wrote half of this fic semi-drunk so if there are any grammatical/spelling mistakes you know why. 
> 
> and for everyone reading this who’s not from the UK, you do your A-levels when you’re 16-18 over 2 years pat, bri and achilles are in the middle of year 12.

“My back kills and I’m only 17. I dread even thinking about the state my body will be in at 70.”

Patroclus had been sitting hunched over at Briseis’ desk with his attention glued on a Chemistry revision pack for about 3 hours, not getting up even once during that time period for a glass of water or a toilet break. He straightened his back and turned around to check up on Briseis propped up by her elbows on her bed who was similarly semi-invested in a textbook titled “Principles of Organic Chemistry” with her notes and biscuit wrappers strewn carelessly around her.

“A-level Chemistry is the actual devil how the fuck am I meant to survive another whole year of this. It’s actually stupid how this is a requirement for med school and Biology isn’t. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to know about nucleophilic elimination reactions in my line of work.”

Patroclus groaned and launched himself face-first onto Briseis’ bed, flinging most of her revision notes off the bed. She bounced up on her mattress from the momentum of Patroclus’ nose-dive onto her sheets, and once she had regained her balance on her bed, she sat up beside him.

“I’m still not used to the muscle mass you’ve put on in recent years. If Year 7 you had done that, you’d be the one flung off the bed.”

Patroclus lied there motionless for a few seconds, prompting Briseis to nudge his side with her foot. Patroclus wiggled over to give Briseis more space on the bed and rolled over on his side to face her. A stray curl found its resting place across the bridge of Patroclus’ nose and he rolled his eyes in response. Couldn’t the universe allow him one moment of teenage melodrama?

“Yeah, but back in Year 7 I didn’t exactly need to exercise. Now I have to for the sake of endorphins else I’ll relapse into a constant state of self-loathing.”

Briseis stared at him with feigned annoyance and muttered something under her breath that sounded an awful lot like “you’re such a child,” before she pushed herself off the bed and walked over to the extension cable on her floor where her phone was plugged in to charge to check her notifications. After reassuring her parents that yes the house was still in one piece, and yes Patroclus was being a good boy and revising quietly as promised, an idea popped into her head.

“How does a party sound?”

“What tonight?”

“I don’t see why not.”

After receiving the go-ahead from her most loyal and trusted advisor, she opened up Whatsapp and created a new group chat.

“My brain’s fried up from staring at mechanisms anyway. Now we’ve decided on that, who should we invite?”

“Leave out Agamemnon’s roadmen that’s for sure.”

“Yeah but when they’re not with Agamemnon they’re more tolerable, and dare I say even _fun_.”

Patroclus’ mind flashes back to post-GCSE prom when Odysseus and Diomedes had raided the rival school’s prom down the street of their refreshments and brought them back to their own. Good times were had that night with much debauchery.

“Fair point. Who are you thinking of?”

“Odysseus and Diomedes for sure they’ll bring the alcohol, the girls except Deidamia because she’s just broken up with Achilles and I don’t think she can handle roadmen hitting on her and I was thinking we could maybe invite…”

Patroclus’ heart sank.

“Achilles?”

“Absolutely not.”

With the exception of prom last year, Patroclus had not seen Achilles for 5 years when his mum had suddenly decided to transfer him to another school without any prior notice right before they were about to begin Year 8 together after being best friends since prep. What hurt the most however was the fact that Achilles had never bothered to contact him since and any news he heard of his former best friend was through Briseis from his girlfriend Deidamia who was a friend of hers whom he started dating almost immediately after joining his new school.

“You can’t keep avoiding him forever.”

“Well yes I can. I managed to avoid him for the whole of prom last year.”

That was in part true as he had begged Briseis to sit at a table at the opposite side of the banquet hall once he had heard the news that Achilles and the other athletes from his school were attending their prom as guests of honour. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that Achilles had moved on and that he should be happy for him with his new life, a part of him knew that it would simply be rubbing salt in the wound to see him being lovey-dovey with someone else, especially after their last summer together before he went away.

“Well I’ll add him into the group chat and whether or not he decides to turn up is his choice. Remember, he broke up with Deidamia too.”

Patroclus groaned and got up from the bed and stretched before heading off for a toilet break, and Briseis began her recruitment mission.

 

 

**Briseis** added you to _“Partayyyy”_

 

 

> **Briseis (16:43):** House party at mine tonight around  9 til 12ish. Odysseus and Diomedes are in charge of the drinks as per usual, and each person is only allowed a plus one and by that I mean ONLY one. Prom was a borderline orgy. Same rules as last time, no going upstairs or into the kitchen. Be respectful, or you will be kicked out. If you break something like last time, own up to it ***cough*** Ajax ***cough*** and maybe I’ll be nicer to you but other than that, you will still be kicked out and forced to pay.
> 
> **Diomedes (16:43):** why is it always us tho???
> 
> **Odysseus (16:44):** it’s because we’re the only ones with fake ids
> 
> **Diomedes (16:43):** fuck off
> 
> **BIG Ajax (16:46):** that literally wasn’t my fault tho i got pushed and the vase kind of slipped off the fireplace
> 
> **SMALL Ajax (16:47):** yh because a big man like you got tipped over by a guy who’s 5’3 yeah right
> 
> **Menelaus (16:49):** Sorry guys don’t think I can make it tonight I promised Helen we’d go out for dinner.
> 
> **BIG Ajax (16:52):** that’s so fucking cute i needed to punch my wall to feel manly again
> 
> **Achilles (16:57):** The testosterone level in this chat is too high. Anyways, who else is coming?
> 
> **Briseis (17:03):** Mostly kids from my school and the girls from the swim team. Pat’s gone downstairs for a snack but he’s staying for the party.
> 
> **Achilles (17:03):** Cool. I’ll see you guys there.

 

~

 

It didn’t take long for Odysseus and Diomedes to show at her front door with a trunk full of beer, rum and cheap vodka. They helped the two unload the precious cargo into the dining room which they converted into a makeshift refreshments room, moving all breakables into the kitchen.

One by one their classmates and invitees began to trickle into the house, and as the minutes progressed, more and more people began to turn up. The two Ajaxes arrived not long after Odysseus and Diomedes with Menelaus on the phone, facetiming them with Helen at a posh looking restaurant. As the doorbell began to ring with less frequency, Patroclus couldn’t help but notice that Achilles was suspiciously absent. For the majority of the first hour, he lingered by the refreshment table in the dining room, socialising with the other girls on Briseis’ swimming team with their friends and boyfriends.

Another hour had passed and still there was no sign of Achilles turning up which was both a relief and disappointment to him, but as luck would have it, the doorbell rang during a very intense match of beer pong in the living room. Briseis went to answer the door, and Patroclus couldn’t help but have a slight sinking feeling in his stomach. He heard Briseis undo the latches on her door, and a lengthy silence followed where the world seemed to freeze for a split moment in time before reawakening at the hiss of Briseis’ voice.

“I don’t recall inviting you and your pack of roadmen to my house,” growled Briseis.

“C’mon cheese-tits we promise we don’t want any trouble. We just want to come in, and have a good time that’s all.”

There it was. The unmistakable gruff voice that belonged to none other than Agamemnon himself, and judging by the accompanying shouts and cheers, he brought his posse with him. With a great sense of immediacy, Patroclus ditched his beer pong team and made a bee-line to Briseis where he took his place beside her. He was suddenly confronted with the all too familiar massive, bulging figure of Agamemnon slumped against Briseis’ door frame flanked on both sides by teenage boys in tracksuits no older than 15 by his estimates. If this sight wasn’t appalling enough in its own right, what made it worse was Achilles standing several metres away from the crowd on the pavement outside Briseis’ house barely paying any attention to the current situation, regarding his surroundings cooly.

“How about no. You fucking disgust me and there’s no fucking way I’m letting you step foot into my house ever again.”

Briseis moved to slam the door in his face, but one of Agamemnon’s men blocked the door with his foot and holy shit they were stronger than he thought. Patroclus was forced to rethink his plan of knocking them out cold and leaving them in the bushes nearby until sunrise, as although he was not adverse to using violence as a form of self-defense, he had no intention of dying tonight either.

“Alright alright. Chill a bit won’t you. We really are here just for a good time, aren’t we lads?”

Several shouts of agreement came from the lanky teenagers flanking Agamemnon, but Briseis tightened her grip on the doorknob. Agamemnon raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and faked an expression of dismay and motioned for his lackies to retreat. Before Briseis could even celebrate a brief moment of victory, Agamemnon seemed to freeze and stare in either shock or awe at something behind them (Patroclus couldn’t tell which emotion it was to him, so poorly acted he decided it wasn’t worth the effort trying to decipher it). Somehow without even the slightest hint, the boys flanking Agamemnon followed his cue with whispers and similar faces of shock.

“Wait the hell’s going on back there? Is that Diomedes trying to climb up your lamp?”

Unfortunately Briseis made the error of turning her head and looking in the general direction at which Agamemnon was pointing, but by then it was already too late.

“What the fu-” squeaked Patroclus as half a dozen smelly, sweaty, testosterone-soaked bodies rushed past him into Briseis’ house like a pack of wildebeest shaking the ground as they charged who made straight for the refreshment table, with some detaching from the herd to hit on some girls nearby.

Briseis let out a deep, agonised sigh of defeat Patroclus was tempted to do the same.

“That was actually disgusting.”

“I feel like I want to throw up” said Briseis, choking on each word. “I don’t know how the fuck he even knows where I live.”

“Agamemnon’s an actual pisstake if you ask me. He was probably patrolling the block trying to find some poor sod to get into a fight with.”

Patroclus slumped against the doorframe, and while his eyes were focused downward in resignation, a calmer figure walked past him into the house, muttering a string of apologies to Briseis who at this point was too tired to even care. When Patroclus looked up, he examined Briseis’ dejected form with her brows furrowed, shoulders tense, and left hand furiously rubbing her temple.

“Need a beer?”

“After that? I think I’ll go straight to the rum please. I think I’m going to go to my room for a bit so I don’t have an aneurysm.”  Briseis said dejectedly. Patroclus could sense that her initial anger and exasperation had subsided, but there was still the slightest tinge of disbelief in her voice. To summarise, it was less a matter of whether or not Briseis was still mad, but rather she was fed up and simply too tired to care at this point.

“Do you want me to bring it up?”  
  
“It’s okay Pat. I’ll come down but thanks for offering anyway.”  
  
Briseis offered him a weak smile before giving him a quick hug and retreated upstairs slowly, leaving him in charge of the noticeably quieter party.

Patroclus simply shrugged off the uneasy atmosphere that had sunken into the crowd of partygoers and slowly made his way over to the dining room and observed how everyone was getting along for the most part, ready to intervene in case one of the new self-invited surprised guests overstepped their boundaries. Just because Briseis no longer had the energy to deal with Agamemnon and his crowd anymore didn’t mean that she didn’t care about them being in her house, and Patroclus took it upon himself to keep everyone in check as she would have liked to.

For the most part, while the roadmen wannabes were being a rowdy bunch in a mostly empty corner of the living room (partly if not wholly because the other partygoers were avoiding them), they were keeping to themselves which was a good thing as it meant that they weren’t making an absolute mockery of themselves at the present moment by being inconveniences to the people around him.

From the corner of his eye, Patroclus could see Agamemnon chatting up Odysseus and Diomedes no doubt about rugby team drama which to Patroclus’ amusement neither Odysseus or Diomedes really seemed to care much about as Diomedes seemed to be more focused on chugging his plastic cup of beer more than the actual conversation.

When he made it to the refreshments table after gently weaving his way through the throngs of deflated teenagers swaying weakly to Stormzy, Patroclus froze as he realised Achilles was standing there with a plastic cup in his hand. Worse yet, he was staring straight at him. He didn’t look much different from the last time Patroclus saw him which if he was being technical was only about half a year ago at prom where the closest he had been to Achilles was at the opposite end of a banquet hall, but he looked older and might he even say that he seemed to grow progressively better in looks as he aged which wasn’t very surprising as the Achilles standing in front of him was a far cry from the pre-teen with a massive tooth gap he was in Year 7 when they were still close.

Patroclus suddenly became conscious of the fact that he had been staring back at Achilles for far longer than he was comfortable with after Achilles broke eye-contact by going for a refill. Patroclus moved from the spot near the doorway he had frozen at for the past couple of seconds and actually went over to the drinks table to pour out half a can of beer into a plastic cup for himself and chugging it in record time. After he had downed the contents, he spoke to break the awkward silence that had settled on them since the moment Patroclus made his appearance.

“So. Briseis isn’t too keen on having Agamemnon in her house.”

Patroclus ditched the cup and downed the remaining contents of the can he opened, and to his astonishment, Achilles actually made an effort to continue the conversation.

“I don’t blame her. I can’t stand to be in the same general vicinity as him for over 5 minutes,” Achilles shrugged, resuming to chug down the remainders of his cup. Patroclus caught a whiff of its contents — Malibu rum. Not bad.

“Then why’s he here? Neither of us have his number or Snapchat and you’re the only one we invited who does.”

At this point, Patroclus had moved on to straight vodka and didn’t have the mind or capacity to care what he said or how he sounded saying it. Tipsy or not at a teenage house party, Achilles still wasn’t his friend and Patroclus wanted to make it clear to him that was how it is, even if it meant sounding a bit more hostile than he intended. Deep down he still had the desire to have one last proper conversation with Achilles before he removed him from his life permanently, but even deeper down he longed that he would stay and that things between the two could at least warm up to something not dissimilar to the friendship they used to have when they were younger.

“Look, I didn’t know he was going to invite himself over. He asked if I wanted to go for a smoke sesh since everyone else was bailing on him and I said I was going to Bri’s party and he forced the information out of me.”

Achilles suddenly became defensive and visibly tensed up. Instead of apologising for his mistake, Patroclus continued to goad him on.

“Really?”

Patroclus raised his eyebrow in suspicion.

“He threatened to get Deidamia to leak my nudes.”

Judging from the manner in which Achilles spat the last sentence, he wasn’t dealing with the breakup well either. He had heard from Briseis that Deidamia was almost being overly dramatic about it and causing a scene whenever someone dared to mention Achilles’ name in front of her, and honestly he sympathised a lot more with her than he did for Achilles. According to Briseis, it was Achilles who did the deed and even if Deidamia overreacted, he couldn’t blame her. She wasn’t the first person hurt by being too emotionally invested in Achilles.

“I just can’t stand people like Agamemnon who think they’re such big men always trying to prove themselves. Firstly, who the hell are they trying to prove themselves to? A bunch of Year 7s who think they’re hard?”  

Achilles had seemed to sense that Patroclus found amusement in his reason, and he wanted to maintain this response as it was the first real emotion he had seen from Patroclus in years. A bright idea popped into his head, and he donned his best Agamemnon impression, puffing himself up like a blowfish and furrowing his eyebrows and wrinkling his nose.

“Oh yea fam she was a real peng ting you know what I’m sayin’? Love to get a slag like her, innit great?”

It wasn’t long before Patroclus had snorted beer up his nose from trying not to laugh at how ridiculous Achilles looked doing his best impersonation of Agamemnon, flailing his arms and throwing gang signs every other word. He had forgotten that Achilles was a bit of a clown when it came to entertaining his friends.

“She was walkin’ side-to-side cuz she was carrying them massive—”

“Alright that’s enough. There’s only so much roadman talk I can take in a single night. You literally sound exactly like him I don’t know whether I should be impressed or worried.” Patroclus interjected, with a clear grin on his face, coughing and spluttering from every word. Achilles seemed to calm down too and return back to the cool façade he had worn earlier in their interaction.

“To be honest, I don’t think he even knows that all the guys he hangs out don’t actually like him.”

“If that’s the case the fool’s blinder than our Year 7 form tutor. Poor woman should have retired long before we were even born. I saw Agamemnon talking to Odysseus and Diomedes on my way here and I’ve confirmed that he’s completely tone-deaf to social cues hinting that maybe just _maybe_ his presence is unwanted. Diomedes had to chug the entire duration to even stand hearing his voice.”

“Speaking of Odysseus and Diomedes, I haven’t had the chance to talk to them tonight actually, but it’s fine since I saw them a few days ago when I was at cross-country practice.”

At their school, Agamemnon was on the rugby team as was Diomedes and Big Ajax; Odysseus and Small Ajax were on the hockey team as was Menelaus; Nestor was the only person on the ping-pong team as he had quit tennis sometime last year due to health complications, and Achilles was the star of the cross-country running team who won every regional he qualified for. At his school, Briseis was the captain of the over 16s swim team while Patroclus on the other hand wasn’t part of any sports team with the extent of his extracurricular involvement being a Chemistry club he ran during lunchtimes for the Year 7s to make slime.

“Got a tournament coming up?”

“Not really. I’m just trying to keep myself in shape so when one does pop up, I’m prepared for it.”

“Fair enough.”

Patroclus put his cup aside among the dozens of other used plastic cups on the table, and took a clean one to fill with coconut rum for Briseis who according to his gut instinct should be coming down in just a moment to rescue him from his current predicament. Another period of awkward silence began as the two once again stood next to each other staring blankly at everything from the pattern on Briseis’ dining room wallpaper, to the drink spillages on her laminated wooden floor, but never at each other.

A crash came from the living room, and the grime music suddenly came to an abrupt end. Patroclus ditched the dining room and sped into the living room at almost record time to check what had happened, but Briseis had beat him to it. He looked around for signs of a fight or broken vases, but there was none and everyone seemed to be alright. He looked again more closely, and this time he observed that everyone seemed to be wearing similar expressions of relief, Briseis included. She had changed into her pyjamas during her brief break, and she walked over to Patroclus with a weak, but radiant grin on her face.

“They left. Agamemnon and his twits left the party early.”

“That’s great.”

“Now we can play some actual party pop thank god I was getting tired of all that grime. Don’t get me wrong I love my Stormzy as much as the next roadman, but there’s a time and place for everything and I’d rather listen to J Lo sing about getting on the floor than Stormzy telling me to shut up.”

Briseis gave Patroclus a quick peck on the cheek before prancing her way over to her laptop that was connected to the sound system in the living room and with a few clicks, played her mix of party songs that mostly consisted of billboard top 100 tracks circa 2012 and before followed by cheers and applause. Patroclus was an absolute sucker for cliché party pop songs and honestly had no fuck to give when it came to proudly singing along to Kesha as dumb pop songs were contagious in their overproduced joy, but tonight the atmosphere just didn’t feel right for him to scream “Tik Tok” at the top of his lungs and he couldn’t exactly pinpoint the exact cause of this uneasiness that plagued him.

“I left your drink in the dining room. Achilles is in there if you want to say hi to him.” shouted Patroclus over the booming bassline of “Die Young”.

“Is that why you left?” Briseis yelled in response, despite standing a literal metre’s distance away from Patroclus.

“Not really but I don’t fancy going back.”

“I think I’ll take it up and go to bed since I’m knackered. Tell people to start going home will you, Pat?”

“Sure.”

“Atta boy.”

Briseis gave Patroclus a quick pat on the back before walking towards the dining room, dodging people at every turn as they swayed, jumped, and sang along to the obnoxiously loud music.

And so, Patroclus was once again left alone in a crowd of sweaty, drunk teenagers who were on the verge of keeling over. The party finally seemed to liven up after a period of suppression, and he didn’t want to be that guy to kill the mood by ushering everyone home early so instead he quickly scampered over to turn the music down to a more reasonable volume before throwing himself on the living room sofa and finally having some time to himself. In classic teen movie style, a couple landed on the space beside him on the sofa, making out furiously with the contents of the girl’s cup she was holding in one hand sloshing all over him. Patroclus slowly backed himself away from the two and tried his best to ignore the slobbering, squeaky pops that came from his left.

He noticed that the crowd began to thin by itself over time, and eventually the couple beside who he guessed were going at it for a decent ten minutes left too. He breathed a sigh of relief and closed his eyes, hoping that he was tired enough to fall asleep as he was and wake the next morning still on Briseis’ sofa to help with the party cleanup the next day, but alas fate would not have it so.

“Hey um, do you still live where you used to?”

Patroclus’ eyes fluttered open to the sight of Achilles looking down at him awkwardly. He seemed almost nervous talking to him of all people from the way he stood to the insecurity in his voice.

“I haven’t moved houses since I was born. Speaking of—” Patroclus quickly glanced down at his wrist which did not in fact have a watch, yet he pretended it did and simply went with it.

“I should probably be going home. It’s getting late.”

Patroclus begrudgingly rose from the sofa and rubbed his forehead and eyes.

“Do you want me to give you a lift? I mean I was thinking maybe we could catch up. It’s fine if you don’t want to though I completely understand—”

Before Achilles could bumble his way through the next sentence, Patroclus interrupted.

“Haven’t you been drinking though?”

“Only a plastic cup or two of light beer and those cups are tiny, so I’ll be completely fine on the road. You on the other hand should not even think about driving home by yourself.”

As if to support his point, Patroclus almost tripped over the coffee table and stumbled to regain his footing before trying his best to shrug it off, but Achilles made it painfully aware that he noticed.

“Fair enough. I don’t see why I shouldn’t get a lift off you.” _other than the fact that I have not spoken to you for five or so years and I still have hard feelings about how our friendship came to an abrupt end when you ditched me_ added Patroclus in his thoughts. He slipped his phone out of his trouser pocket (which he forgot was in there since the beginning of the party which he now regretted never taking out to save him from the dining room disaster with Achilles) and quickly typed a message on Whatsapp.

“Just told Briseis I’ll come back in the morning to help with the party cleanup after I’ve dealt with my hangover at home. Let’s go.”

“Right, um, let’s go then I guess.”


	2. ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s to some angst and to half term
> 
> also warning for a fair bit of cussing as the drama ensues

Achilles had parked his car on just in front of Briseis’ house and Patroclus couldn't help but find the sheer size of the damn thing amusing. It was a stark white Range Rover with tinted windows that sat awkwardly against the sidewalk curb that towered over Briseis’ garden hedge. Achilles fished his car keys out of his pocket and unlocked the doors by pressing one of the buttons on the remote. Patroclus reached to open the door, but Achilles grabbed the handle before he could.

“Let me.”

Patroclus withdrew his hand with lightning speed, careful not to brush against his as to avoid making his awkward situation even more awkward and scrambled into the shotgun seat. Achilles came in the opposite side and after settling in his seat, started the car. Back in the party, Patroclus couldn't help but sense that Achilles wanted something from him but didn't know how to go about asking for it, and somehow Patroclus knew that whatever it was, he wanted the same thing despite not knowing whether or not he made a mistake in trusting Achilles in the first place.

“Where’s your car?” asked Achilles.

“Don’t have one. Briseis picked me up from mine.”

There was no shame in simply admitting the truth.

“The car’s GPS has been acting up recently so we’ll either have to use a map or you'll have to guide me. If I’m remembering correctly, you live about half an hour away?”

“I can guide you if you want but I’ll put on google maps as a precaution.”

“Great.”

He could sense how nervous Achilles was as his hands left sweat marks on the wheel when he moved to start the car. Patroclus’ own heart was pounding violently against his chest cavity, and his face was likely a bright shade of magenta too knowing how he reacted to stressful situations like these. Either way, Patroclus tried his best to remain calm and the alcohol he binged in the party certainly helped to keep his façade up. After typing in his address to google maps, he started the route and Achilles followed the direction down the road. He reclined in his seat and closed his eyes, hoping that Achilles would somehow manage to reach his house without bothering him.

“So how’s life been for the past few years?”

He should have known better knowing his luck with situations such as these. Patroclus begrudgingly shifted in his seat to sit up straight, and turned to look at Achilles who had his eyes firmly fixed on the road ahead.

“Sometimes great and other times a bit shite if I’m being honest.” Patroclus mumbled, a little dazed from his short but brief moment of respite.

“I heard from Briseis last year you want to apply for med school. Somehow that doesn't surprise me.”

Patroclus could see the briefest hint of a smile on Achilles’ face.

“How come?”

“You just seemed like the kid that would grow up to become a doctor if you know what I mean? I mean you were an absolute angel you hated no one and all the kids, teachers, and parents loved you to bits. You’re also really really clever and it just seems kind of natural that someone like you would want to be a doctor.”

Patroclus scoffed.

“Well not everyone clever and nice grows up to be a doctor. I mean I’m not even sure I can meet their expectations when applying.”

“Don't be silly, Patroclus. You're the smartest person I know which isn't saying a lot considering I know knuckleheads like the Atrides, but I also know guys like Odysseus and Diomedes who are pretty damn clever too. You’ll ace your A-levels if that's what you're worried about.”

There was a slight tinge of something in Achilles’ voice that made Patroclus feel oddly uncomfortable on the inside, though he could blame it on his overactive imagination. He could have sworn he heard something along the lines of pain, regret or even envy in his voice. Yes it was true that Patroclus performed a bit better than the average student at school, but it hurt a little to hear the same high expectations imposed by his father, teachers and peers coming from someone as close yet distant as Achilles.

“Thanks for your faith in me, but don't be disappointed when I inevitably let you down. Anyway, how are you doing?”

While some would call his aversion to conflict his greatest weakness, Patroclus tended to think of it as his greatest strength as it prevented him from becoming a confrontational jerk like Agamemnon. It was simple. Whenever he felt even the slightest bit of tension in a situation, he would in his proverbial car and drive away until the tension no longer concerned him, but unfortunately Achilles was driving the car and he had to resort to bumbling his way through a conversational U-turn instead.

“Alright actually. I mean I broke up with Deidamia two weeks ago and honestly I feel a lot better with her off my chest. Don't get me wrong but she's a lovely girl but she's just a lot to handle. But other than that, I don't really know what to do later down the line. Mum says I should go into business or do a language at University.”

“Achilles.” said Patroclus grimly.

“Yeah?”

Achilles tensed up in his seat.

“May I be honest with you?”

“Go on.”

“You are quite possibly the worst person I can think of to work in a corporate job. You would _that guy_ who tries to fight anyone who even dares to look at you funny at a meeting or throw a fit and quit the job within the week because you hate sitting at a desk working a 9-5 job in customer service sorting out paperwork and replying to emails about stupid shit like Karen getting cat food getting stuck in her hair dryer or something. Honestly you’d be so better off doing a language or something because that way you can insult someone to their face instead of over a passive-aggressive email exchange.”

Silence.

Patroclus was starting to fear that he had overstepped his bounds and ended up insulting Achilles in his poor attempt at humour, but in the silence, Patroclus could hear something that sounded an awful lot like Achilles giggling. He turned to see what had gotten into him, and what Patroclus saw amazed him. Achilles Pelides turning cherry red from trying to stifle his laughter, and Patroclus couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous he looked. He wasn’t sure who to hate more — Achilles for being Achilles, or himself for getting them into the mess in the first place.

“God I’ve forgotten how funny you are. I mean you have a terrible sense of humour, but so do I. I guess that makes us equal.”

In the end Achilles Pelides was still Achilles Pelides, nothing more and certainly nothing less. He was still the same lovable goofball plagued by the most unfortunate case of resting bitch face he had ever seen despite their years apart, and somehow Patroclus was able to find some relief in that it helped invalidate his fears of Achilles he had held in their years apart. While Achilles hadn’t ostensibly changed much over the years, Patroclus had and that was what troubled him the most as he had no clue how he would react to this more guarded and cynical version of that year 7 boy Achilles had come to know and perhaps fancied ages ago.

This time, a more comfortable silence descended into their quarters, and it was one neither Patroclus or Achilles seemed to mind.

It was not long before the endless suburban sprawl slowly diffused into a patchwork of roadside hedgerows and crop fields that often adorned the sides of motorways. It wasn’t Patroclus’ fault that he lived outside the city limits, it was his mother’s when she chose the house twenty years ago for the very middle-class British countryside charm. It was a shame that their cottage degraded over the years following her death as Patroclus could only ever remember their home as a rotting husk of the luscious yet humble abode he only ever saw in photos of his parents in a happier time. His house was something personal and something he didn’t usually like talking about or showing others and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted Achilles to see it after all those years when it was in a more acceptable state than in the present.

They had driven past the point on the motorway where the street lamps no longer lit up the night road and the only sources of light were the ones in the car and the headlights illuminating the road ahead. Patroclus had no clue how long he had been slumped in his seat with his head tilted ever so slightly at the window with the slightest of grins adorning his face, staring out at the blur of shrubbery and an infinite stretch of fields.

Patroclus had a near perfect memory of the ten mile radius surrounding the little hamlet he called home, and could therefore deduce the current progression of his journey home even in the dark. As a kid, he never really liked car journeys as it meant that he would be left in the back seat of the car to stare out the window while his parents chatted about the aspects adult life that didn’t interest or concern him in the front seat, so he came up with his own game of memorising which shrub belonged where, how many animals there were on each field, how big each field was or what crop was grown there if any were there at all. At the present moment, he deduced that they had a decent 15 minutes left in the journey at the current speed Achilles was going (which was suspiciously slow for a 60mph stretch of road). Again, Patroclus thought of happier more mundane times spent in the car with both his parents and returning to a home that then was associated with all things good and pleasant about life.

Not wanting to let go of the sudden fleeting moment of nostalgia, Patroclus thought of a different less distant memory — one that just so happened to concern the boy sitting next to him.

“Remember that time I stayed the summer with you at your mum’s house down in Dorset?” asked Patroclus dreamily.

“Of course I do — you stepped on a sea urchin which made mum freak out and almost drive you to A&E herself.”

Patroclus did not need to turn his head to feel the warmth coming from Achilles. He felt like the sun, and if he closed his eyes, he could almost hear the waves crashing against the sea cliffs and taste the salty breeze on the tip of his tongue. But sweet nostalgia did not linger for much longer as the salt on his tongue soon turned to bile as bitter fragments of his memory resurfaced in his mind once more. The images of wrestling each other in the sand and ceaseless laughter soon warped into that warm summer sunset when they poured their hearts out to each other on the sand which progressed into innocent confessions of mutual pining and eventually leading to a kiss and several more as the only logical conclusion. Whatever his mother claimed to have seen, it certainly wasn’t what had transpired between the two which was a shame, as in the end Achilles trusted his mother’s word more than his own memories and their holiday was cut short of a few days to return Patroclus home due to “unforeseen circumstances.”

“I didn’t see you again for a while after that. You never told me why you left.” said Patroclus, still with a slight warmness to his voice.

Beside him, Achilles sighed and pursed his lips. It had to be addressed sooner or later, and somehow he too realised that now was the perfect opportunity to talk. After all, why would he offer to drive Patroclus home if not to speak in the privacy of his car away from prying ears.

“After you left my mum told me that I was moving to a different school at the start of the new school year it happened so quickly. I didn't know it was going to happen at all until she handed me a different uniform at the beginning of Year 8 and told me that I would be going to school on the other side of town. I couldn’t tell you since I didn’t have a phone and my mum was keeping all my contacts, but I trusted Briseis to tell you about it though.”

And Briseis did exactly that. Briseis joined his school as the only new addition in the start of year 8 immediately following Achilles’ sudden departure, and they quickly became friends as while most of the friendship cliques were closed off from accepting new members, Patroclus was stranded on his own without Achilles and desperately needed a friend. Initially, Patroclus filled the emotional void Achilles had left him with by telling her everything about his “ex-best friend” including their fateful holiday together, and Briseis was there to listen and to give him a hug if he seemed particularly upset.

What made her great was the fact that she kept everything Patroclus told her confidential, and she would never ask him anything that was too pressing or even bring up Achilles as a conversation starter which Patroclus appreciated a lot, all of which made it all the more jarring when she brought him up during lunchtime a few months later after Briseis had played at her first interschool sports tournament. At the time, Patroclus was nibbling on some carrot sticks when Briseis dropped the metaphorical anvil that she had met and talked to Achilles about Patroclus who had provided her with the reasoning behind his sudden and quiet disappearance to relay back to Patroclus (though he didn’t believe it at first). Although his memories of that lunchtime were in fragments and fuzzy at best, the part that he remembered the clearest was when he choked on said carrot sticks which prompted Briseis to call for the school nurse who embarrassingly performed the heimlich maneuver in front of the entire lunch hall. After that disaster, they had an unspoken rule to never talk about Achilles unless it was in the broader scope of Briseis’ athletic life, or later Deidamia’s love life.

“You could have at least told me yourself, Achilles. Do you know how much hurt you could have spared me? For five years I thought that you were disgusted by me and that you moved schools because you hated me.”

“I’m sorry.” said Achilles almost unnervingly calm.

Achilles was damned whatever his response was to the situation.  
  
“It’s in the past. Living with regret now isn’t going to do either of us any good.”

At this point Patroclus was too weary to be angry or resentful.  
  
“Can I be honest with you, Patroclus?”

Patroclus prepared himself to be completely and utterly let down as he prepared himself for the long string of excuses and feigned sincerity he expected to ensue.

“Go on.”

“My feelings for you never changed over the five years we’ve been apart.”

“That’s a load of bull, Achilles and we both know that. If it’s your attempt at trying to make me feel better, it’s a bit fucked up.”

Although Patroclus allowed Achilles a bit of leniency as a result of earlier, he still stood his ground when it came to reigniting their relationship or whatever it was they had back then and Achilles was not going to manipulate his way back into his life like that again after that summer. He was not going to be hurt by the same person twice, especially not if that person was Achilles.

“That’s not what I— fuck’s sake I’m telling the truth. I broke up with Deidamia because of you.”

“What.”

Something was off. Patroclus couldn’t sense that Achilles was lying considering how that wasn’t exactly something one should lie about, yet he was still hesitant to take his word for such a bold claim.

Something wasn’t quite right.

He couldn’t help but imagine Deidamia yanking at her lovely ginger hair, screaming and cursing Achilles’ name as her face swelled up and her cheeks ran with gritty tears tinged black from mascara. It wasn’t a pretty sight, but the most disturbing part was that he could imagine himself in the exact same position, crying his eyes out and screaming because of Achilles.

“We were kids, Pat. I was stupid. I didn’t know that whatever we had was so special until I suddenly found myself removed from it and I was left with a void without you, and Deidamia filled that void in the beginning, but over time I think I just kind of realised that it just wasn’t _real_. I mean, I only got with her back then to prove a point to my mum because I got angry, and it kind of dragged on for a few years without me ever noticing. I mean, sometime in the middle of those few years it had finally occurred to my mum that I didn’t even like Deidamia as a person, much more so as my girlfriend. I mean sure we looked great together, but deep down I just resented the fact that it wasn’t you and that I had wasted those years of my life I could have spent with you instead.”

Patroclus stared coldly ahead and made only the slightest sign of acknowledging anything Achilles had just said.

He could feel Achilles’ eyes searing holes into the side of his head, eagerly awaiting a response that would never come. When Achilles realised that Patroclus wouldn’t be opening his mouth to comment anytime soon, he threw himself onto his seat and stared up at the car ceiling in a mixture of frustration and disappointment before resuming his focus on the barren road ahead.

“Forget it.”

After a period of stunned silence, Patroclus could only manage to articulate the first thought that popped up into his head.

“That’s fucked up.”

“Just a little.”

Achilles smiled wryly, uncomfortable with the truth of the situation.

“I don’t think we should be on the road right now. We need to pull over.” said Patroclus.

Achilles stole a quick glance at Pat and nodded. This just wasn’t something they could resolve over another few minutes on the road. It required complete attention and focus from both parties which was divided from focusing on the road in Achilles’ case, and the remaining alcohol in his bloodstream though he was damn well near complete sobriety in Patroclus’ case.

As there was no one else on the road going in either direction of the dual carriageway, they simply stopped by the edge of their lane and Achilles turned off the engine, plunging them into almost complete darkness save for the dim outline of the car displays in the interior and the car lights on the exterior.

Even after the car had ceased to move, Achilles remained frozen in his seat with his hands still firmly planted on the steering wheel and his gaze locked on the empty space ahead. Eventually, Achilles began to loosen his grip on the wheel and lowered his hands to his knees, and similarly Patroclus began to relax his muscles as best he could despite his heart and mind racing fast enough that if they managed to escape his husk of a body, they would break the sound barrier with ease. In spite of all this, Patroclus tried to remain calm though every aspect of his being advised him otherwise.

After he had adjusted to the charged silence, Patroclus summoned the last remaining drops of alcohol in his system for one last bout of courage and found the will to ask Achilles one last question.

“Achilles do you mind me telling you something?”

“Go on.”

Patroclus was going to regret this.

“The reason why I’ve avoided you these past few years is because I didn’t… I didn’t want to get hurt again because maybe I felt something for you too and maybe-”

He was certainly going past the personal boundaries he had set for himself, but if the worst came to worst he could again pin it on the influence of alcohol. It was the cowardly thing to do, but he couldn’t foresee any outcome where he could come out of this situation completely unscathed.

“Maybe I still have those feelings and maybe it’s because of those feelings I didn’t want to associate with you anymore in case those feelings came back and I…”

This was getting ridiculous and Patroclus felt like he had said the word “feelings” so many times that it simply felt unnatural for him to continue. Patroclus was never good at dealing with personal situations, but this was a new low for him.

“And you _what_?” cried Achilles, with an uncharacteristic impatience and frustration.

“Got hurt again because of you.” shouted Patroclus.

Now he was compelled to shrink into a ball of despair as Patroclus thought with finality that he had fucked up every last chance he had with ever having anything with Achilles and that he might as well get out of the car and walk the rest of the journey home because he couldn’t even stand to look Achilles in the eye, much less stay in the same confined space as him. But something peculiar happened in that Achilles didn’t lash out in wrath as Patroclus had come to expect, but instead he sensed that Achilles seemed to recoil away from Patroclus if that was even possible in the confined space they had.

Perhaps it was a trick of the light, or perhaps Patroclus was deluded, but there was no way that he was actually witnessing Achilles fucking Pelides’ eyes tear up with actual tears next to him because of something he, Patroclus fucking Menoetides said. But here he was and he didn’t know what to do or say and was completely and utterly lost.

Thankfully, Achilles was not.

“I loved you. I was a fucking moron back when we were in Year 7, but me being completely and utterly in love with you was the only thing I was sure of and it still is. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my future, but all I know is that it’s with you and I don’t even know if you want me anymore after all the shit I’ve done to you, Pat.” said Achilles.

His voice was shaky despite his best efforts to steady himself, but his hands were twitching almost violently in his lap and the tears that had formed in his eyes actually seemed to be on the brink of overflowing and flooding his face. His stupid godlike face.

And so Patroclus found himself face-to-face with Achilles Pelides pouring out five years of pent-up emotions in a tearful tirade of intermingling grief, love, regret and joy over their moments had and lost together over the years gone by and he was at a complete loss as to what to do.

“It’s not your fault, Achilles. You didn’t know.” said Patroclus quickly in an attempt to rectify the mess he had created.

“And neither did you and I hurt you. I’m so sorry Patroclus. I’m so sorry.”

Achilles opened his mouth to speak again, but Patroclus didn’t want to hear another word from his mouth. Unbuckling his seatbelt, Patroclus did the only thing that felt right and lunged towards the other boy, smashing their heads together in a violent and unyielding kiss.

And so like the waves that crashed and tumbled on the pale sand on that hot summer night, so did the long years of resentment, pining and pent-up heartache of Achilles and Patroclus clash in perfect vicious synchrony. Patroclus could feel Achilles’ lips clash back violently against his own with a hunger and desire to make up for the time he had wasted on replacing the void of Patroclus with someone else as he was right there and he had no desire to ever let him go again yet Patroclus still couldn’t shake down his gut urge to pull away.

Achilles loosened his grip on Patroclus before shifting his entire body towards him and forcefully pulling him back into another kiss, but this time the pull on his lips was softer and gentler. Patroclus closed his eyes and felt Achilles winding his hands into his hair and caressing his neck until —

Patroclus felt his cheeks turn slick and tasted salt on the other boy’s lips. He opened his eyes to find tears streaming down Achilles’ cheeks that smudged against his own. In response Patroclus pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders until Achilles loosened his grip and collapsed into his shoulder and let out sobs that sent overwhelming tremors through his body. Patroclus shifted his right arm to guide Achilles’ head to rest in a more comfortable position, and he tightened his grip on his left arm. Achilles was in his arms and needed him, and Patroclus was not going to let go. Not again.

He stayed there and stroked Achilles’ head from time to time for consolation, as his sobs became less frequent and lessened in intensity. Eventually Achilles was reduced to a few silent whimpers, and his breathing began to stabilize again.

“Can you forgive me even after all the shit I put you through?” Achilles muffled, still with his head buried in Patroclus’ shirt.

“I’m not sure.”

And he wasn’t. Patroclus didn’t know if Achilles deserved to be given another chance, or rather if he himself deserved to be given another chance seeing how badly he hurt Achilles too.

“ _Please_ , Patroclus. You’re all I have.”

Achilles lifted his head from his now damp shirt and looked up. Pleading bloodshot green eyes met his own brown and it was then Patroclus felt a part of him die. It was almost painfully obvious to Patroclus that he had played right into Achilles’ manipulation in gaining back his trust, yet at the same time he didn’t exactly mind despite the fucked up implications, as he likely would have never made the move to reconcile in the first place.

Patroclus let out a deep sigh and ran a long string of curses through his head before relenting.

“Okay.”

“What?”

Achilles sat up in disbelief, tearing himself away from Patroclus’ hold. His eyes widened, and there was a glimmer of something in them akin to hope.

“I forgive you, Achilles.”

Patroclus couldn’t help but smile nervously as he awaited his judgement, as even after he had spoken, Achilles was still staring back at him in complete and utter shock.

Whether or not it stemmed from the awkwardness of the situation, Achilles was the first to crack as he broke the silence by stifling giggles under his breath and burying his face in his hands to hide his smile.

“Don’t you _dare_ start crying again.”

Achilles removed his hands from his face and gave Patroclus the most half-assed look of discontent he had ever seen, prompting him to sarcastically throw his hands up in surrender.

“Not my fault. I wasn’t sure whether to be concerned whether you were laughing or crying. You seem to have done an awful lot of both tonight.”

Achilles curled his fist into a ball and threw a weak punch at Patroclus’ chest which launched him a little further back into his seat.

“Shut up.”

Achilles launched himself into another giggling fit, but this time Patroclus joined in the hysteria. He couldn’t help but reflect on how surreal his night had been from Briseis’ impromptu party, to Agamemnon’s invasion, and finally his ride home with Achilles. It was like one of those shitty cliché teen movies, except his life was a whole lot weirder as a whole with shittier dialogue and with little to no direction.

“I can't believe we're almost adults yet we're still acting like we’re fucking children.” said Patroclus wryly.

“Crazy right?”

Sometime after their laughter had died down, the two had come to settle down in their seats and stare back into the darkness in front of their windshield. Somehow out of their own independent volition, their hands met in the centre of the armrest separating the two seats, and Patroclus rested his hand on top of Achilles’.

“Achilles?”

“Yeah?”

“Is it really that dark outside because it’s night, or does it only _appear_ to be dark because of the tinted windows?”

“Never thought about it that way, though I’m pretty certain it’s because it’s late. According to the trusty clock on my car display, it is currently 1:08am.” Achilles replied, after giving some serious thought.

Beside him, Patroclus jumped and yanked his hand away from the armrest.

“Shit I didn’t realise the time.” cursed Patroclus.

“We should probably get back to yours. It’s getting pretty late and I should probably get home soon too.”

Patroclus acknowledged him with a nod and reattached his seatbelt.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Without missing a beat, Achilles restarted the car engine and indicated (which Patroclus found the slightest bit of amusement in considering how empty the road had been for the past half an hour or so of their ride) before continuing the last leg of their journey, this time driving at the speed limit instead of under.

In spite of everything else that had happened that night in the car, Patroclus still couldn’t help but struggle to shake off the bit of insecurity that clung to him about Achilles.

“Promise me you’re not just hooking up with me to get back at Deidamia?”

“If anything me and her was a hookup that lasted way too long. I’ve only ever wanted you and I’m not going to be stupid enough to let you slip a second time namely because I know that you won’t give me a second time.”

Achilles smiled sadly, but Patroclus said nothing as everything he had said was true. He would not give Achilles a second chance because he respected himself more than that, but was tonight not Patroclus giving Achilles his second chance? To put it simply, Patroclus didn’t have an answer to that, and he didn’t want to dwell on it any longer lest it become awkward for the two of them again, and instead let it be partially due to how damn exhausted he was. It was enough drama for tonight, and he was certain that there would be more to come in the morning with Briseis’ interrogation of how his trip with Achilles went.

It wasn’t long before the roads began to narrow again, and like a patient regaining consciousness from a coma, the welcome voice of google maps once again began to instruct their final few turns into Patroclus’ little hamlet he called home until they finally reached their destination at the door of an eerie bone-white plaster cottage with overgrown foliage in place of a garden. Patroclus fished his house keys out from his pockets, and Achilles unlocked the car doors exposing.

“I don’t want you to leave.” confessed Achilles under his breath. It was selfish on top of everything else he had done that night, yet he didn’t want to let go of Patroclus just yet in the fear that he would disappear from his life again.

“I don’t want to go either.”

Patroclus opened the car door, exposing them to the cool night air. Eventually, Patroclus got himself out of the car and stood on the pavement, hovering over the car door frame for a moment.

“I wish we could make this night last longer if only for a few more hours.”

“So do I, but I have to go inside. Good night, Achilles.”

“Good night Patroclus.”

Patroclus quickly clambered back into the car to give Achilles one last hug before getting out and wading through the long grass to his door, fumbling through the lock before finally managing to unlock the door and gingerly pushing it open to a crack just wide enough to let himself in. Achilles lingered outside his house for a bit as he watched Patroclus slowly creep into his house, kicking off his shoes at the doormat before waving one last goodbye, and it was then Achilles leaned over to close the door Patroclus had left open, and was finally content to drive away back into darkness.

  

 

> **Achilles (02:04):** I love you
> 
> **Patroclus (02:07):** Promise?
> 
> **Achilles (02:07):** Promise.
> 
> **Patroclus (02:10):** I love you too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might have a few more pieces set in this same modern au universe so i might make this a series but i have a separate tsoa au piece coming up that’s a lot more different than this. i'm only tagging my tsoa pieces as tsoa only simply because of how i personally view miller's take on the characters as separate and distinct from homeric tradition, and i'm pretty much only going off that.
> 
> but pls comment and tell me what you think and @ me at my tumblr at vergilsbee i love you all so much for the support and hopefully i’ll see you guys soon x
> 
> 23/06 a sequel is on its way so keep your eyes peeled ;)

**Author's Note:**

> i probably had waaaaay too much fun writing this, but that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? 
> 
> remember kids don’t drink a lot if you know you’re going to be driving home esp if you have passengers. 
> 
> y’all can find me on tumblr as vergilsbee and @ me there n help me w my revision by talking to me about the iliad n stuff. kudos and comments are forever greatly appreciated and i hope you’re having a lovely day <3


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